| The
Selling of the Person |
| Some people will do just about anything for money. |
| Take for instance the couple who was getting married a couple
of years ago and decided to sell their wedding and reception
to corporate sponsors. The couple's plan was to have Sears,
for instance, sponsor the reception. Sears would get its name
on each table, a banner proclaiming Sears' eternal interest
in the couple's happiness, and possibly a Sears' logo made
out of frosting on the wedding cake. |
| All Sears would have to do is pay for the reception. |
| Hallmark, of course would sponsor the invitations and all
the other paper products used at a wedding ceremony and reception.
How capitalistic: "This invitation brought to you by Hallmark,
the makers of fine paper products. Have a nice wedding." |
| Hyatt hotels, of course, could sponsor the couple's hotel
needs, which is no small price considering all the parents,
bridesmaids and grooms men, to say nothing about brother Joe
and Uncle Harry who want to free-load on the couple. |
| Budweiser could sponsor the open baräno Coors allowed. |
| Bridal shops, florists and any number of other wedding-related
businesses could, for a price, get a piece of the wedding
action. United Airlines, Club Med, the local limo service
and the caterer could also get their $2,000 worth. |
| This is a true story, but I'm not sure if the couple had
any takers. I certainly hope not. Except for the Bud promotion.
I like that part. |
| Then there was the idea of selling advertisements on passenger
cars, much like they do on race cars. For $300 a month, your
car, too, could be plastered with advertisement extolling
the health benefits of garlic or the softness of Charmin,
or even political messages like "Vote for Michael Smith; Remember,
I was aquitted of that sexual assault!" |
| I haven't seen any of these cars roaming around Herndon
or Reston, so I'm not so sure how well that campaign did. |
| But the award-winning, sell-yourself campaign goes to a
couple who announced this week a plan to auction off the right
to name its unborn baby. |
| I know this to be true because the husband, a jerk of outstanding
proportions, appeared on The Today Show last week. Katie Couric
interviewed him so you know the whole thing is on the up and
up. |
| One thing Couric asked the guy was, "How are you going to
get any one to interview you while giving free promotion to
some company?" Hey, Couric, that's what you're doing, giving
this jerk free promotional time on a national television program. |
| Here's how it would work: Any company, or individual so
disposed, could bid on the right to name this couple's little
boy (they know it's a boy; gives a little bit more information
to bid on). The couple is hoping to get $500,000äa half million
smackers to name this kid. |
| You know what's coming next, don't you? Some suggestions
for names from famous companies, some of which you would hope
your child never even worked for, much less be named after.
|
| Let's assume the last name of the couple is Collins, for
lack of a better name. |
| First there could be Philip Morris Collins. OK, that's not
too bad. Philip is a real first name, even though the name
itself may cause cancer. |
| Iams Collinsäyou know, the pet food. This kid would for
the rest of his life answering the question, "What is your
name, little boy," with "Iams Collins." "No, little boy: It's
I am Collins. And by the way: What is your last name." |
| We could have Coke Collins, Exxon-Mobil Collins, Little
Debbie Collins (so what if he's a boy?), Bran Flakes Collins
and of course, Tom Collins, brought to you by Seagram's vodka. |
| Then his first name could be one of those really yukky drugs
that they advertise on morning television, the kind with all
the side effects that are way worse than the disease. |
| I wouldn't make this story up because it's too stupid. |
| Oh, and I forgot about Priceline.com Collins. Wouldn't the
grandparents be pleased? |
| And that's Our Town this week. |
